The clown car stops at The Capitol

As a public school educator and a parent whose children attended public schools, I would like to take this opportunity to commend the brave patriots in the House of Representatives Republican caucus for taking the necessary steps to assure the protection of our students—particularly our females.

In case you missed it, the House Republicans passed a bill, H.R. 7334 (118), along party lines (219-203) that would prohibit transgender females from competing on athletic teams consistent with their gender identification.

While the bill will surely fail in the Senate, and President Biden has already threatened a veto were it to reach his desk, allow me to rain accolades on these steadfast defenders of freedom who truly understand the grave threat that transgender athletes pose to our public schools.

Imagine this horrific scenario, for example.

A student is sitting in algebra class, bored with polynomials, when suddenly the class is interrupted by the principal coming over the intercom. The principal then announces the results of the girls’ tennis matches the previous afternoon where their school suffered an embarrassing defeat to their archrivals, and a transgender female won the deciding match.

Imagine the trauma that this student will live with for the rest of their life after witnessing such an atrocity.

And kudos to the GOP for not letting the big red herrings of guns and school shootings distract them from what is truly threatening our students in public schools.

There have only been a measly 377 school shootings since Columbine in 1999 with a mere 199 children and educators killed and 425 injured[1]. And while many of these shootings involved the use of semi-automatic weapons to exact carnage, only an idiot would believe that guns pose a threat to students in public schools.

Thank God House Speaker Kevin McCarthy and other Second Amendment stalwarts aren’t taking that cheese and working toward common sense gun laws that could help to mitigate these uniquely American tragedies.

No bueno, Libs. The GOP knows the real threat is the transgender athlete, and our students—particularly our females—need our protection.

And speaking of protecting females, the best minds of the Republican Party[2], along with the intrepid conservative justices on the Supreme Court took the compassionate step of preemptively protecting females from themselves.

Imagine if we allowed females[3] to decide what they should do with their own bodies and gave them complete reproductive rights[4].

The idea is as outrageous as allowing a transgender woman to compete in a female sport.

Now imagine another scenario where a woman—for whatever selfish reason—decides she cannot carry an unborn child to term but, fortunately, we have some courageous GOP freedom fighters, particularly in red states, who will threaten them with criminal prosecution if they have the procedure.

So the woman is forced to have the child, and it’s a boy. But as soon as the baby starts breathing independently, we can now ignore his needs and ignore the mother’s needs—paying for those things would mean higher taxes, which is not freedom—and we’re also going to assure that the mother and child don’t have access to affordable housing, health care and higher education. But thanks to the Republicans’ efforts, neither the mother nor the child will ever have to worry about a transgender female competing in field hockey.

Unless, of course, the child is a transgender female…

Wait. That’s not what I meant. What I meant to say was…

What about her emails? Stop the fix! Trust the plan!

U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

________

[1] Thoughts and prayers.

[2] Specifically, the gentleman Matt Gaetz, the scholar Marjorie Taylor Greene and the visionary Lauren Boebert.

[3] And they’re always so hormonal.

[4] Some people might erroneously consider this freedom.