If ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas movie, I’m revising my list

I’m not exactly sure when the debate over whether or not the 1988 action film “Die Hard” qualifies as a Christmas movie began, or if the exigency of the debate is even traceable, or important.

For the record, the film’s star Bruce Willis, who plays the main character John McClane, has publicly stated that “Die Hard” is definitively not a Christmas movie, yet the film’s screenwriter Steven E. de Souza has said that it is, indeed, a holiday story.

So what, exactly, qualifies a film as a Christmas movie?

After extensive research—meaning, I did a Google search—the following criteria was listed: (1) The presence of Christmas themes; (2) Christmas music; (3) Family reconciliation subplots; (4) A Christmas setting; and (5) The use of decorations as plot devices.

Arguments in favor of identifying “Die Hard” as a Christmas movie include the film being set on Christmas Eve, during a Christmas party, where a group of terrorists take hostages in the Los Angeles skyscraper. Off-duty police officer McClane then takes on the terrorists, and the rest of the film follows the general three-act script of any action film to its conclusion.

“Die Hard” also includes Christmas music, family reconciliation and decorations.

Personally, I don’t consider “Die Hard” a Christmas movie. For me, Christmas movies need something more than simply meeting criteria. For a film to qualify as a Christmas movie, it needs something loftier; it needs to embody that elusive Christmas spirit while ushering in a healthy dose of yuletide joy.

However, if “Die Hard” qualifies as a Christmas movie then my list of favorite Christmas films needs to be revised. Currently, my list of Top Three Christmas movies includes (in order) the George C. Scott television film “A Christmas Carol” (1984), “It’s Wonderful Life” (1946) and “Bad Santa” (2003).

I also acknowledge that both “It’s Wonderful Life” and “Bad Santa” are questionable Christmas films¹, but I would argue that more consensus exists for both.

Regardless, if “Die Hard” is now considered a Christmas flick, here is my revised list, again in order.

3. “Rocky IV” (1985): For the same reason “Die Hard” is often labeled both an action and a Christmas film, “Rocky IV” can be labeled both a 90-minute Cold War propaganda music video and a Christmas movie. Why? Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) knocks out that Commie bag of meat Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren) in a fight that takes place on Christmas Day in Moscow, and it turns the entire population of the former-Soviet Union on to the type of Western capitalism that makes the Christmas season tick. I ask you this: What embodies the Christmas spirit more than Rocky Balboa and American consumerism? If “Die Hard” counts then you can’t turn your back on this heartwarming classic. And it’s also high time we start adding Survivor’s “Burning Heart” and Robert Tepper’s “No Easy Way Out” to our Christmas playlists².

2. “Step Brothers” (1998): If you think about it, the film’s pivotal scenes, plot-wise, are set on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. On Christmas Eve, the blended-family’s patriarch Robert Doback (Richard Jenkins) is despondent with the situation involving the step brothers, Dale Dobeck (John C. Reilly) and Brennan Huff (Will Farrell), after they crashed his boat making the music video for “Boats ‘N Hoes.”³ He then abandons the celebration to go to The Cheesecake Factory for Scotch. The next day, Robert and his wife Nancy Huff (Mary Steenburgen) announce their decision to divorce, thus dissolving the family unit. However, much like predecessor Ebenezer Scrooge, the step brothers and the estranged couple learn the importance of generosity of spirit as the family resolves their differences, and the film’s closing scene set on…you guessed it, Christmas Day! That sounds like some family reconciliation to me. And God bless us, every one!

1. “Better Off Dead” (1985): It seems 1985 was a fecund year for holiday spirit. Admittedly, I saw this on a meme, and it prompted this column, but now—if we’re buying the “Die Hard” argument—not only is Savage Steve Holland’s classic one of my favorite films of all-time, but now it has now become one my favorite Christmas movies as well. What qualifies “Better Off Dead” as a Christmas movie? Same argument as “Die Hard”: There is a sequence that is set on Christmas morning. In the Meyer household, the mother Jenny Meyer (Kim Darby) is demonstrating the spirit of giving by buying everyone in her family frozen television dinners and her husband Al (David Ogden Stiers) a coat made of aardvark fur; meanwhile, in Smith residence next door, where a French foreign exchange student named Monique (Diane Franklin) is staying with an incorrigible dork named Ricky (Dan Schneider) and his mother (Laura Waterbury), Mrs. Smith is teaching Monique to say the word “Christ-mas” by squeezing Monique’s mouth and overenuciating. Sure, Lane (John Cusack) is in the garage trying to off himself with carbon monoxide poisoning after his girlfriend Beth (Amanda Wyss) dumped him, but he comes to his senses, unfortunately smashing the garage door while reversing the car to save his own life. But Christmas is all about forgiveness, as “Better Off Dead” teaches us.

1. “It’s a Wonderful Life” is framed with a Christmas setting, but the vast majority of the movie does not take place during Christmas. And “Bad Santa” can get pretty dark and lewd, which is exactly why I love it.  ↩︎
2. If you clicked on either of those videos, you’re my people!  ↩︎
3. If you clicked on that video, you’re also my people!  ↩︎

You can get into a lively debate over this with Nathan Graziano via email: ngrazio5@yahoo.com