O P I N I O N

THE SOAPBOX

Stand up. Speak up. It’s your turn.

An acquaintance was wearing a Chaos and Kindness shirt at the gym, and I asked her what she liked about them. She talked about the friendship between Ryan Vezina from the band and Davin, a man with cerebral palsy featured on the show. Ryan had gone out of his way to maintain their relationship since high school. Davin, it seemed, was just the lucky recipient of Ryan’s generosity. She found this “heart-warming.”

She said they increased awareness of and appreciation for people with disabilities, and I was honestly confused. What kind of awareness? What exactly is it they’re suggesting the audience appreciate?

In a recent episode, Justin Spencer had arranged for Jimmy Luv to repel off the Brady Sullivan building in Manchester, NH. The stunt was intended to raise money for charity. Jimmy has an intellectual disability and is frequently featured in their shows and advertisements.

Jimmy, Justin tells us, is petrified of heights. He fools Jimmy into coming along by telling him they’re only there to “talk to some people.” Speaking to the camera, Justin says:

“I knew once we got on the roof, it would be absolute, textbook classic Jimmy Luv freak-out, panic attack mode and I was right!”

He sure sounds excited about inducing a panic attack in a person with a disability. That’s not kind. It’s cruel.

When they’re on the roof, Jimmy breaks down sobbing several times. On the edge of the building, ready to repel, he screams and begs to come down. It’s heart-wrenching. Justin pressures Jimmy into seeing it through by telling him they can’t raise the money if he doesn’t finish the stunt.

I wonder why someone could blithely disregard another person’s terror and no one even blinks. Or worse yet, they find it inspirational.

Parents should be just as disturbed. When your child says no, people are completely free to ignore them. Coercing them into something against their will isn’t only tolerated. It’s celebrated!

Individuals with disabilities on the show aren’t in charge of how they’re portrayed. It’s the able-bodied band members making those decisions. If the purpose of Chaos and Kindness is purely charitable, why not create a foundation with a board made up of those receiving assistance? This would empower those being helped to direct that assistance. The answer is obvious. You can’t make money from a foundation.

Whenever I catch a preview for Chaos and Kindness, I think of a line from Taylor Swift’s latest song “Antihero:”

Did you hear my covert narcissism
I disguise as altruism?

Narcissism disguised as altruism. An entire TV show dedicated to showing off how nice you can be to those you’ve designated “less fortunate” sounds pretty narcissistic to me. Making money off a line of merchandise emblazoned with your logo adds an extra layer of “Yuck!”

If you have a disability and you’re a fan of Chaos and Kindness, consider what you’re supporting. Not people who see you in all your messy, complex, beautiful humanity. They see you as a puppy or small child. Always good, always cute, always sweet always accommodating. You’re an object they can put on the shelf and use when they want to demonstrate their “kindness.”

You deserve more than that. You deserve to be seen. Not as a prop in someone else’s story but as the master of your own.

They perpetuate the dangerous myth of the innocent, helpless disabled person. They ensure people like my friend continue to see us as “heartwarming”. The tough truth is people don’t respect those they find heartwarming.

Chaos and Kindness should be taken off the air and soundly rejected by all people with disabilities in NH and their allies.

Beg to differ? Agree to disagree? Thoughtful prose on topics of general interest are welcome. Send submissions for consideration to publisher@manchesterinklink.com, subject line: The Soapbox.